Talks and Discussions
by Serb
Summary: The 'Allo 'allo characters and I have a little talk.....Please Read and Review!


Talks and Discussions  
  
Author's Note: Well, well, well, I'm back with another crazy story. But this is more about discussions with the 'Allo 'allo characters and me. There is no story. If you don't know what I'm talking about as always, just then read the story. You know the drill, none of the characters belong to me except myself...fa, fa, fa...(Starts imitating Von Smallhousen when he starts speaking 'English'.).  
  
////////////////////////////  
  
All the 'Allo 'allo sat in a huge hall in the middle of nowhere. There were three tables: one where the French sat, one where the Germans sat, and one where the English characters sat.  
  
Down at the French table, those people were having a little confused discussion.  
  
'Rene, what are we doing here?' asked panicky Edith.  
  
'You stupid woman!' cried out Rene,' I have no idea!'  
  
'I was informed that the author of these stories, Serb, wanted to speak with us!' whispered Michelle hurriedly.  
  
'Edith!' cried the old woman, Madame Fanny,' Where are the drinks at this table? I see no Gin!'  
  
'And they also forgot to put the olives!' added Monsieur LeClerk.  
  
'Serb doesn't like olives, mama, and she thinks Gin could be bad for your health,' explained calmly Edith.  
  
Madame Fanny just snorted at that, and turned to her new husband. She reached inside her robes, and pulled out a bottle of Scotch Whisky.  
  
'I always think forward,' said mildly Fanny,' that'll show her!'  
  
Leclerk smiled in agreement, took out a small glass under his nightcap, and poured himself a drink.  
  
Mimi and Yvette started quarreling on whose prettier, and soon it was beginning to involve fists and polished nails. It all ended up when Officer Crabtree had to get in between and break up the fight, with Yvette having a fat lip and Mimi having a swollen eye for the rest of the week.  
  
  
  
Down at the English table, where only the two British airmen sat, they began looking nervous.  
  
'Do you understand what are they saying Carstairs?' asked Fairfax.  
  
'Don't speak a word of their lingo!' returned Carstairs, worriedly.  
  
They looked around suspiciously.  
  
'At least we have some chocolate cake on the table!' sighed out Castairs.  
  
'Well, better that than Madame Edith's cooking!' exclaimed Fairfax, helping himself at the cake in front of him.  
  
Carstairs shuddered at the memory of Madame Edith's cooking, and suddenly he didn't feel so hungry anymore.  
  
  
  
Down at the German table, the Germans weren't getting on so well.  
  
'Hrmph!' snorted grumpily General Von Klinkerhoffen, 'I didn't come down here for nothing just to wait. I should be searching for the painting of the Fallen Madonna!'  
  
'At whose place is it now?' asked bored Colonel.  
  
'I guess at Herr Flick's quarters..or at Rene's...oh, I cannot keep up with all of this! It's getting confusing!' groaned irritably General.  
  
'I demand to be immediately removed from this table!' hissed Herr Flick,' Senior Gestapo officers don't hang around the ragged German army!'  
  
'Hooray!' cheered dully Von Smallhousen, holding a banner that said:' Vote for Herr Flick, unless you want to be in front of the Gestapo firing squad.'  
  
General Von Klinkerhoffen shot Herr Flick a dirty look.  
  
'As if I want to be sitting with you!' General bit bitterly back.  
  
Helga was just sitting between Captain Bertorelli and Lieutenant Gruber, dabbing powder on her nose and sneezing into it, because of the dust particles.  
  
'Here, have a hanky-a!' said Bertorelli giving a garlic smelling hanky.  
  
Helga took it gratefully, while Gruber shot daggers at Bertorelli with out knowing why he did it. Bertorelli took out a sandwich (filled with garlic of course) and began to eat it.  
  
On the stage (there was a stage in the hall), the curtains suddenly opened, and suddenly onto it strolled a tall young girl, wearing glasses and having blue eyes. Her hair was blond (I still call my hair blond, even if it is brownish-gold. I really had blond hair when I was little.)  
  
'Excuse me? Is everyone here?' she called out off the stage.  
  
'Who are you?' asked Rene.  
  
'I'm Serb!' she said cheerfully, taking out a notebook.  
  
'Oh wonderful, my destiny in stories is controlled by a brat!' groaned General Von Klinkerhoffen.  
  
'Shut up! Nobody even likes you!' Serb suddenly snaps.  
  
General goes quiet and Serb suddenly lights up again.  
  
'Now, I see you are all here!' she spoke up,' I invited you all to talk about my previous stories which involved you. I see some of you weren't so happy, so- Officer Crabtree, what are you doing at the French table!?' Serb suddenly yells.  
  
'I don't want to goo to the Brotish table! The Brotish earmen are so stupid! I want to stay here with Michelle!' protested Crabtree in French.  
  
'You tell her chap!' cheers the ear- I mean the airmen, who obviously had no idea what Crabtree was saying about them in French.  
  
Serb rolls her eyes.  
  
'Alright, you may stay with Michelle at the French table!' gives up Serb.  
  
Crabtree happily hugs Michelle and sits down with her. They are both grinning now.  
  
'Now, as I was saying, does anybody have a problem with my stories?' continued Serb,' Because if you do, just say it.'  
  
'I protest!' protests Herr Flick getting up,' I'm tired of Helga dumping me just to go out with this idiot!' he screams, pointing to Gruber.  
  
Gruber gets angry and stands up also.  
  
'You have no right to say that!' Gruber barks for the first time in his life (well, he barked also in some other stories of mine but this is the first time he does it with his own free will, if you know what I mean..).  
  
'But I also can't stand Helga falling in love with me!' he added quietly, having a little shiver.  
  
Serb's eyes grew wide with disbelief, as if those were one of the most shocking things she had ever heard in her life.  
  
'You're not in love with Helga?' She whispers quietly.  
  
'I gay you know!' defends himself Gruber.  
  
Helga nods in agreement. Suddenly a small smile creeps up Serb's face.  
  
'You're going to get married with Helga in the end and have six childern with her!' blurts out Serb.  
  
'What!?' gasps out horrified Gruber.  
  
'Why did you tell him the end of the series?' groaned Rene.  
  
Helga was frozen with shock.  
  
'I get married to the gay Lieutenant?' wailed Helga,' Not Herr Flick?'  
  
'He let you down at the end you know?' Serb answered,' He told you to put your nose down the plug hole.'  
  
'How dare you!' roared Helga, beating up Herr Flick.  
  
Serb smiled even more.  
  
'But no matter what you say, I will always write 'Allo 'allo stories where Gruber and you fall in love! MUAHAHA!!!' Roared gleefully Serb.  
  
Helga also starts to cry, and Serb ignores her. Serb pays attention to her notebook.  
  
'Clarence, you said that you liked your part in your last story, but,' Serb flicks a page,' you were angry to be beaten up by the Lieutenant with the help of strawberry ice cream.'  
  
Everyone turned to the German table where a man dressed in a black coat and a black gangster hat covering his face waved to the crowd. He pulled a sign from is coat which read: 'I was happy to be the evil guy! I got at last a major role in a story!'  
  
'OK..so you don't have any problems, that's great!' muttered Serb confusedly.  
  
She flicked to another page.  
  
'Rene, I heard you felt really bad when you poisoned the old phoenix in the last story!' read out Serb.  
  
'Yes, I felt really bad,' confessed Rene getting up,' is he alright?'  
  
'Aw, don't worry, that's Albus Dumbledore, he's just fine..in his coffin.' Mumbled out Serb the last few words.  
  
Luckily Rene didn't hear it, so he sat happily down.  
  
Suddenly, through the door (?) walked in four people from one of my Harry Potter stories: Snape, Hagrid, Trelawney and Filch. They looked daze and looked around.  
  
'What is this, a secret society? Or a torture chamber?' asked Snape rudely.  
  
'You can say both.' Murmured Colonel.  
  
'Ah, these are only people from my other story,' drawls Serb,' What are you doing outside 'Crazy Quest'?'  
  
'We've been in Kenya, last thing we remembered was when Hagrid ate some poisonous berries from a shrub, and bang! We were here!' Explained Trelawney.  
  
'Its Ok, but you have to go out through that door to get back to your world.'  
  
'Thanks!' cried out Filch.  
  
And they disappeared. Silence haunted the hall.  
  
'I'm-a going-a too!' cries out Bertorelli,' Wait for me!'  
  
He runs out after them. The rest of the characters look at each other and run out after him. Only the airmen stay.  
  
'Strange people, aren't they Carstairs?' Commented Fairfax.  
  
'You bet on it.' Agreed Carstairs.  
  
Serb looked at them.  
  
'Well it looks like we're the only ones left!' said Serb, a smile coming up her face,' Let's get the chocolate cake!'  
  
******  
  
Somewhere in Africa...  
  
'Look at the Komodo dragons!' cooed Hagrid,' I never knew that they lived in Africa!'  
  
A huge Komodo dragon roared at the 'Allo 'allo characters which were perched up on the cage, looking fearfully at it.  
  
'Who said coming to an African zoo in the future was a good idea?' wailed the Colonel.  
  
'Quick, Edith, sing!' pleaded Rene, as Edith shot him a dirty look.  
  
THE END  
  
Author's Note: Not quiet good as the rest of them, but it just came up in my mind and..bang! There it was! I was currently watching 'The Bald and the Beautiful' on TV, and I came up with this idea. Please review! 


End file.
